When I was younger my dad always warned me about the dangers lurking behind the computer screen, by that I mean all of the creepers. What he never told me about was the less obvious problem; the self-esteem issues that I could face.
For years and years prior I had sat and read blog after blog, watched YouTube channel after YouTube channel and always wanted to create one myself. There were so many others doing it, I didn’t think there was enough space for one more beauty blog.
After having one of the best summers of my life, I moved to a new state leaving all my friends and the fun behind. I felt more depressed and lonely than ever. One night my friends were snapchatting me their shenanigans and I knew I needed to do something to get my mind off of it. I took my IPhone, strategically laid out the items I had just received in my monthly subscription box on my bed, and snapped a photo. That night ChristinaBeex3 was born.
My google analytics were trending up, up, and up. My social media for my blog was growing so quickly. Every single time I looked at my phone I had a new like, comment, or email from a reader. Companies started offering me free clothing and eventually even offered money in exchange for blog post. I was getting to go into the city fairly often to meet with people that shared the same hobby as me- It was all so great! Every single weekend, I’d take my boyfriend, the new clothes, and my camera too pretty areas to take a few quick pictures in order to write about them. It all kind of became an obsession.
Blogging had come really easy to me until it didn’t… My numbers started to plateau and the stress started to grow. The photo shoots with my boyfriend were no longer ending in laughter but rather in tears. I saw every flaw in myself instead of everything I liked. It was hard because when I looked around at all those people I loved meeting that shared my hobby, they all seemed so perfect. My blog post went from weekly to monthly. Social media had become like a car crash. Everything I saw validated how imperfect I was and I couldn’t look away.
Of course when you’re not putting in the effort you once were your numbers will not grow like they were previously. Blogging is like anything else in life, you get what you put into it but at the time it just felt like I was failing. In my head, people didn’t like me like they once use to, I was uglier, my clothes weren’t as cute, my boyfriend’s photography skills weren’t as good as they once were.
I finally had enough and I wanted to take a break. I posted about what I was feeling. I wrote out this long Instagram post and hit send. The comments and messages started flooding in. It was the first post in a while I felt proud of again. I wasn’t alone in my thoughts. Almost every other person, blogger or not, all felt the same about social media- it is overwhelming! Living in a world were social media is everything, it’s extremely hard not to be caught up in it. Likes have become how we value self-worth and followers have become our popularity.
Theodore Roosevelt said it best, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” When you’re looking at that pretty girl who always has the most perfect Instagram feed remember, we all only post the glamorous pieces of our lives. That pretty girl is probably hiding her problems with a smile and Facetune.